Kid's instructions on life . . . wish I'd known this then!

• Never trust a dog to watch your food.   Patrick, Age 10

• When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.  Matthew, Age 12

• Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.  Andrew, Age 9

• Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.   Rocky, Age 10

• Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.  Stephanie,  Age 8

• Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.  Rosemary, Age 7

• Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10

• Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes.  Carrol, Age 9

• Never bug a pregnant mom.  Nicholas, Age 11

• Don't ever be too full for dessert.   Kelly, Age 10

• When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Heather, Age 16

• Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14

• Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.  Joel,  Age 12

• When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, Age 13

• Never try to baptize a cat.  Laura, Age 13

• Never spit when on a roller coaster.   Scott, Age 11

• Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do.  Hank, Age 12

• Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.  Molly, Age 11

• Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. Chelsey, Age 7

• Stay away from prunes.  Randy, Age 9

• Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.  Phillip, Age 13

• Forget the cake, go for the icing.   Cynthia, Age 8

Unofficial Breed Standard for RR Owners

General Appearance, The Ridgeback owner should be capable of maintaining a comfortable life for their RR.  Providing comfortable bedding, great food and an abundance of toys.  And be available for their RRs entertainment.

Size-should be balance. fully functional, able to complete many tasks at once. eg. cleaning blood splatters of walls (ear splits), keep the couch cleaned and available for them.  Be able to make sharp turns and react quickly.  The RR owner may find themselves in situations where they are cleaning up vomit on the new carpet, and have to quickly react to a sneaky counter surfer, who just produced said vomit.

Coat-any amount of coat is permissible.  Skin should be tuff, able to withstand, spontaneous sproinking and body slams.

Head-eyes should be always alert, extra points to those that have eyes in the back of their heads.

Neck-should be able to rotate head a full 180 degrees, if head only has two eyes. RR owners may need to be on the alert all the time, especially those that own more than one and if one or any are under 2 years of age.

Forequarters, should be straight, able to hug, to groom, with great reach to retrieve the doggy treats that have been put on the highest shelf away from the resident counter surfer(s).

Tail,  tail, hmmm, well we just wont go there!

Temperament, must be calm.  Must be able to react to their dogs demands by saying "put it on Visa". 

Must be able to provide the amount of love and affection to their RRs that RRs give to their owners.

Type,  a RR owner may not fit every category.  They may use MasterCard instead of Visa. A RR owner is seriously lacking type and should be faulted, if confused with a Pug owner.

Diana
kopera reg'd

A Woman's Random Thoughts

• Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
• Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
• Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
• One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
• My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
• Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I've never forgotten to eat.
• A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
• They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen honey . . . do it and die!"
• I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
• If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

Send this to five bright women you know and make their day!!
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Doreen Kent
http://home.earthlink.net/~relionkent/

A DOG OWNERS PRAYER

O Lord don't let me once forget
How I love my trusty pet ---
Help me learn to disregard
canine craters in my yard,
Show me how to be a buddy
even when my sofa's muddy,
Don't allow my pooch to munch
postal carriers for lunch,
Shield my neighbor's cat from view'
guide my steps around the doo,
Train me not to curse and scowl
when it's puppy's night to howl.
Grant I shan't awake in fear
with a cold nose in my ear'
Give me patience without end ---
Help me be "A Dog's Best Friend"!

~Author Unknown~